5.2 Setback and relapse

Relapse

Changing habits and behavior is difficult for everyone. At first, change might feel easy as you will be very motivated to change your behavior.

It takes time to change, and habits take a long time to unlearn

Habits are like a path: familiar paths are easy to travel along as they take you to familiar places. Taking a new path, or forming a new habit, can be difficult and even scary, however the more you travel the path, the stronger and easier it becomes. The more you repeat your new habits, the easier they will become, and you will be less tempted to continue your old habits. Nonetheless, it is inevitable that you will be tempted to return to your old habits at some point. This is normal, but it is important to prepare for this relapse and learn how to move past it.

Prepare for the relapse

It is very common for most people to relapse, no matter what kind of change we are trying to make. Different factors may increase the risk of relapse, and it is different for everyone. For example, negative emotions may cause some people to relapse into past behaviors, while for others it may be strong positive emotions that turn them around. There is no single, simple explanation for why we act the way we do, it is entirely individual. It is therefore important that you have identified what is likely to cause you to relapse into past behaviors and that you have a plan for how you want to act when this happens.​

Wheel of Change

There are various stages in changing behavior (see image below). The “Wheel of Change” might keep turning for a while before you can get rid of the old behavior. 

Because you are reading this ReDirection self-help program, you have already recognized the need for change, and you have thought about giving up CSAM use (Stage 2 Contemplation). Maybe you are already prepared to change your behavior (Stage 3 Preparation). With the help of the ReDirection program, you can learn how to live without CSAM, take steps to change your behavior (Stage 4 Action), and maintain this change (Stage 5 Maintenance) until you have successfully changed your behavior (Stage 7 Exiting the wheel permanently).
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Relapsing is a normal part of life in all situations of change. Facing adversity does not mean that you have failed or that you cannot make a permanent change in your behavior. After experiencing a relapse, you can go back and continue on the wheel of change and learn from your relapse.

  • Vuokaavio, joka kuvaa käyttäytymisen muutoksen vaiheita. Vaiheet ovat: 1) Ennakkopohdiskelu, 2) Pohdiskelu, 3) Valmistautuminen, 4) Toiminta, 5) Ylläpito ja 6) Relapse. Vaihe 7, "Poistuminen pyörästä pysyvästi", seuraa huoltoa viimeisenä vaiheena.

In the next task you will learn to recognize the triggers that may lead to a relapse, and you will learn alternative ways to act in risk situations.

What did I learn from my relapse?

And how can I act differently to avoid it in the future?
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If you find yourself returning to use CSAM, it is important to recognize the relapse and stop for a moment. Look back and see in what situation the relapse occurred.

  1. Has there been a significant change in your life situation?
  2. How were you feeling/how was your mood before you relapsed?
  3. What kinds of thoughts did you have?
  4. What kinds of physical sensations did you notice in yourself?
  5. Were there any significant events in your personal relationships before the relapse?
  6. What external and internal factors triggered you into using CSAM?
  7. Try to form yourself an understanding of the path that took you to returning to the behavior (CSAM use).

Congratulations

ce you have completed this exercise you can congratulate yourself. You have learned something new.
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What you do with what you have learned is important. Use it to develop your self-regulation skills: what signs in your mood signal that the risk is arising? What kinds of events make you more likely to relapse?

In the next task you will learn to recognize the triggers that may lead to a relapse, and you will learn alternative ways to act in risk situations.

  • Grafiikka, joka kuvaa uusiutumisen ehkäisysuunnitelmaa. Toisella puolella: "Elämäni CSAM:n käytön aikana." Toinen puoli: "Varoitusmerkkejä siitä, että olen menossa uusiutumiseen?" Alla on otsikot: "Mikä sai minut uusiutumaan?" tekijöillä, jotka on luokiteltu "Ulkoiset tekijät", "Sisäiset tekijät", "Ajatukseni", "Omat tunteeni" ja "Keholliset tunteeni".

Stopping my relapse 

Certain variables can increase your impulsiveness and decrease your ability to make well thought out decisions.

You can remember them easily with the HALT-acronym: Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired. Try to take care of yourself and your needs. 

Identifying and minimizing the risk of relapse

Before you act, stop and ask yourself:

Am I hungry?

  • Eat something that raises your blood sugar levels.
  • This can make you feel more emotionally balanced.

Am I angry?

  • Why are you upset/annoyed?
  • Try some rigorous exercise, this can help relieve anger.
  • Try writing about what you feel angry about.

Do I feel lonely?

  • Call a friend or family member.
  • Try to talk to someone close to you about how you feel.

Am I tired or bored?

  • Take some time for yourself, rest, listen to calming music

Each of these variables make us more likely to make poor decisions. If you answer “yes” to any of the options above, follow the suggestions to try to fix the situation immediately. This way you can make better choices and act in the way you want more easily.

Remember

Once you have dealt with the relapse, it is often beneficial to take a moment and orient yourself. You can both reflect over the reasons for your relapse and the same time set your mind on how you want to act from here onwards. Returning to your values and goals can therefore help you find your direction more quickly.

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