5.1 ReDirection of my life
In this section you will learn how to move past relapse and how to ensure that you maintain your progress towards a life without CSAM. To help your ReDirection of your life, you can consider further ways to support your wellbeing, including therapy, psychotherapy, medication, and other means such as peer support groups. It can be difficult to seek help to support you stopping your harmful behavior, as you might have feelings of shame, fear or guilt. There are fully anonymous resources that you can use without fear of punishment or ostracization, with specialists who are there to help you further.
It is difficult to change habits and behavior. Habits are like paths, strengthening the more you repeat them. When you are traveling on a familiar path, you do not need to think about where you are going and why you are choosing that path. It takes you where you want to go. It may seem safe because you have travelled it so many times before.
However, change is possible
This section will help you stay on track on your new path. It can be difficult at times, but it is important to continue on your new path to keep strengthening it. Be patient and remember that change does not happen overnight. If you are motivated to change your life for the better and live a good life without CSAM, you need to practice and constantly work on yourself.
Remember
Small steps lead to a big change.
When you begin to change your behavior, it is natural to encounter setbacks, but it is important that you learn how to overcome these setbacks and stay on your chosen course.
What is a meaningful life to you?
Through completing this program, you are ‘ReDirecting’ yourself towards a better life.
These are big questions to answer and there are no ready answers, they will always be based on your own values. Hopefully they will help you understand your long-term goals of what you want to achieve and how you want to live your life. A meaningful life is not necessarily a life in which you are happy all the time. It is normal to experience different emotions and sometimes you may feel sad, angry, lonely and other similar emotions. However, if you work on creating a meaningful life for yourself, even in the tough moments you will still feel as if you are living a worthwhile life.
We often make decisions that are not the best for us in the long run. For example, using CSAM is harmful to your life as it can make it difficult to achieve things that are important to you, such as maintaining close relationships. Partaking in illegal or immoral behavior often raises feelings of shame, which drives individuals to hide this part of their life from those close to them. Feeling that you are not able to reveal your true self to the people closest to you can make relationships feel distant and “lukewarm”. Therefore, using CSAM holds you back from pursuing a meaningful life.
A meaningful life led by your values
One of the needs that the individual strives towards is mental balance and alleviating emotional stress. An individual who is experiencing loneliness or who is constantly worried about things may have difficulty in achieving peace of mind and may try to alleviate negative emotions through inappropriate cognitive problem-solving methods, such as using CSAM.
The problem with this is that the methods used to achieve the goal of inner peace of mind are unlikely to be successful in achieving this goal in the long run.
In the previous exercises you have already established which GLM-needs you are aiming to fulfil by using CSAM. In the next exercises you will be assessing why you use CSAM to fulfil your GLM-needs and what other means you could use to fulfil your needs instead of using CSAM. You will also think about the life you want to live, how you can meet your GLM-needs, and through what goals can you start building your meaningful life.
Return now to the motives and needs that are connected to your CSAM use that you have listed in What makes people use it? Begin to think about ways in which you could reach for and achieve the same goals in legal, risk-free ways which do not cause harm to anyone. You can also use the values you listed under My values.
Overview of GLM Needs:
- Wellbeing
- Knowledge
- Self-efficacy
- Agency
- Relatedness
- Inner peace
- Spirituality
- Happiness
- Creativity
My meaningful life without CSAM
If previously this has been the case:
- I feel lonely (relatedness)
- I use CSAM and loneliness decreases (inner peace)
- I get sexual satisfaction by watching the images (sexual wellbeing).
How could you try to meet these goals and needs without CSAM?
- Could a reliable person close to you help?
- Could you benefit from learning skills to manage and accept your feelings and desires?
- Could you find new ways to achieve sexual wellbeing?
When you start to come up with new ways, you might discard them as stupid or impossible. Just try to write them down, without judging yourself. You can use the table below.
My own needs:
You can use your previous answers and update them or come up with new ideas by reflecting on the following questions:
- What do I gain from using CSAM? (“I get the…”)
- Which GLM-need does the use of CSAM fulfil? (“Satisfaction…”)
- How can I meet these needs without using CSAM? (“I can…”)
